Personality styles have been studied and documented since the days of Hippocrates and Plato. And possibly personality styles studied even earlier. It is in man’s nature to attempt to comprehend and explain his relationship with his environment.

Page 17

Individuals with specific personality styles tend to gravitate to career choices suitable to their strengths, thereby keeping them locked in their personality styles and establishing an illusion that personality styles are permanent from an early age. However, God’s Plan is to mold everyone into the image of the Messiah, Jesus, the begotten Son of God. Therefore, the winds of change will allow Trials and Tribulations to cause personality styles to change, and challenging lessons cause challenging changes in personality styles.

Page 27

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The Golden Rule is often quoted this way: “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.” I believe that this is an oversimplified translation of Jesus’ words, “Love thy neighbour as thyself.”

A better translation would be, “Do unto others as others would have you do unto them.” Everyone would like to be treated in a specific manner to feel loved and appreciated, etc. Everyone will feel loved and appreciated differently based on their personality style, so they would like you to treat them as they would like to be treated – not how you would like to be treated. Jesus demonstrated the Golden Rule based on personality style by performing healings differently for different people.

Page 28

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Christ is one with God. If you are willing to make an effort to be one with Christ, and your spouse is willing to make an effort to be one with Christ, then you will both be one with God and be one with each other. If everyone were willing to be one with Christ, then everyone would be one with God and be one with everyone else.

A simple way to visualize this oneness is to fill a glass with white milk. The glass represents the spiritual Kingdom of Heaven on Earth, and the white milk represents God. Add some blue dye, representing the Holy Spirit, to the white milk (God) and stir. Once stirred, they are one and cannot be separated. Add some red dye, representing Jesus Christ, to the white milk (God) and the blue dye (Holy Spirit) and stir. Once stirred, the colours are one and cannot be separated. The colour combination will now look purple, which was the colour associated with royalty in medieval times. You now have one Godhead consisting of our Lord God, our Lord Holy Spirit and our Lord Jesus Christ. They are now one, and you cannot remove either the blue dye (Holy Spirit) or the red dye (Jesus Christ) from the white milk (God). If you drink from this glass of milk, you will not be able to drink the white milk (God) without drinking the blue dye (Holy Spirit) or red dye (Jesus Christ); they are one. If you drink one, you drink all three. When you accept the doctrine of one, you accept the doctrine of all three.

Imagine adding chocolate powder, representing people, to the glass of milk, representing the Godhead. Some of the chocolate powder (people) will remain throughout the milk (the Godhead), although much of the chocolate powder (people) will probably sink to the bottom of the glass, in other words, fall out of oneness with the Godhead. The chocolate powder (people) needs to be stirred in order to become re-mixed (return to oneness) with the white milk (God), blue dye (Holy Spirit), and red dye (Jesus Christ).

In life, trials and tribulations are how people become one with the Godhead in the spiritual Kingdom of Heaven on Earth. Like the chocolate powder, your spirit needs to be agitated periodically through trials and tribulations to keep you one with God.

The oneness in your marriage is the same; it will need to be agitated with occasional disagreement to keep you growing as one.

Page 31-32

Task-Oriented vs. People-Oriented

The difference between task-oriented and people-oriented personality styles is report versus rapport. Task-oriented individuals like to focus on the details of the report with minimal attention paid to feelings of rapport. People-oriented individuals would like to focus on these feelings of rapport with minimal attention paid to the details of the report.

Page 35

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Imagine a married couple. One spouse is introverted and task-oriented, enjoying life in quiet seclusion at home, where there is a place for everything, and everything is in its place. The other spouse, an extroverted, people-oriented individual, enjoys the rowdy, joyful chaos of entertaining and building relationships.

In order to establish peace between task-oriented and people-oriented spouses, it is often suggested that there needs to be a middle ground where neither spouse can be completely happy. A better solution is one in which each spouse learns all personality styles to become a STAR; with two STARs, the relationship will shine brightly. It is popular to believe that women, wives and mothers in particular, are capable of unconditional love and that men, husbands and fathers, cannot express emotions. Personality styles are not gender-specific; not all women are people-oriented, and not all men are task-oriented. Personality styles are not gender specific. When it comes to personality styles, men and women are exactly equal. Society’s teachings, expectations, and social conditioning produce the common differences.

Page 36

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No individual is entirely task-oriented or people-oriented, but almost everyone is predominantly task-oriented or people-oriented. Based on my observations, the 80-20 rule applies to most people’s predominant orientation.

Page 39

Introversion vs. Extroversion

Introversion and extroversion, as used in this book, express how an individual chooses to recharge their mind, heart, and will. Introversion and extroversion do not express whether someone is shy or bold, as the terms are commonly used by many.

Page 41

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Introverted individuals prefer quiet time alone to recharge their Spiritual Minds, Hearts, and Wills.

Shy introverts are people who recharge by themselves and avoid people because they are afraid of failure of a task or rejection by others.

A bold introvert will complete the conference presentation and then retire to the couch to recharge their mind, heart, and will. Jesus spent many hours alone in prayer, so he might be described as an introvert who needed his private time alone with God to recharge. But Jesus was also an extrovert and was often found in a crowd of people.

Extroverted individuals prefer to recharge their Spiritual Minds, Hearts, and Wills amidst groups.

Shy extroverts are people who recharge by surrounding themselves with people, but are afraid of failure of a task or rejection by others.

A bold extrovert will recharge after the end of the party by finding another party to go to. Jesus spent many hours surrounded by large crowds so that He might be described as an extrovert. But Jesus also needed his private time alone with God to recharge.

Both introverted and extroverted people need private, quiet time, alone with God, to recharge, just as Jesus did. Before starting into STAR Personality Styles, it is important to comprehend some other words and principles from the Holy Bible.

Page 41-42

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Feelings vs. Emotions

Feelings are your body’s automatic, or unconscious, reactions to external stimuli, while emotions are the energies that you have decided to express (emote) after you have mentally and intellectually considered your feelings and the desires of your Spiritual Mind, Heart and Will. The body’s automatic reactive Feelings are often referred to as ‘knee-jerk-reactions’ or ‘gut-reactions.’

Page 44

I define feelings as your body’s automatic reaction to events in Man’s World. And I define emotions as your spirit’s responses after the evaluation of your feelings by your Spiritual Mind, Heart, and Will. If your Spiritual Mind, Heart, and Will are godly, then your responses will be godly. If your Spiritual Mind, Heart and Will are worldly, then your response will be worldly.

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Forgiveness is also an emotion that requires a decision. Decisions of the mind can override your natural feeling-based reactions; instead of reacting based on feelings, you should consider a spiritually-based response after considering and deciding on a righteous emotional response. The body’s natural feelings-based reaction can influence the Spiritual Mind, Heart, and Will.

Page 44

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Happiness is a feeling. However, Joy is an emotion. Happiness will likely disappear when a tribulation occurs. However, joy can remain strong throughout the tribulation because of your faith in God and your certainty that God will help you to overcome the tribulation.

Page 45

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Forgive and Forget

The Holy Bible teaches that forgiveness is always required, and forgiveness is required to be unconditional. Restitution is required under almost all conditions. However, reconciliation is conditional on the trespasser changing the behaviour that caused the trespass.

The Holy Bible also teaches that forgiveness does not require forgetting. Even the Apostle Paul notified his fellows about the betrayal by Demas and Alexander and asked God to punish them.

Page 46

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You are not required to continually allow yourself to be harmed by others just because they ask for forgiveness. Do not allow abusers to continue to abuse you! There is no biblical requirement to forget the offence; instead, the opposite is true. You are instructed to remember and not forget, even though you must always forgive (Psalm 74:23, Numbers 14:20-33 KJV).

Page 47

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Feelings and emotions are not the same thing. Your feelings are yours, and you have the right to accept your feelings. However, you do not have the right to react in a manner that will cause ungodly harm to the transgressor. Consider your feelings and respond with godly emotions.

Page 47

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You do not need to forget until the fruits of repentance are seen and trust has been restored.

Repentance cannot occur without the trespasser acknowledging their behaviour as trespassing. True repentance requires confession of sin and acceptance of the conviction of sin. The transgressor must be committed to end the sinful behaviour. Finally, in addition to repentance, forgetting or reconciliation requires atonement as a price of sin. You cannot force these on anyone to atone for their sin – only the Holy Spirit can guide the transgressor to make atonement.

Page 47

STAR Personality Styles

Table of Comparison of different models of Personality Styles

Anyone familiar with the DISC theory will recognize its similarities with the STAR system. I have not included any study data or evidence for STAR Personality Styles because many DISC studies and books already explain, under different personality labels, the concepts of task-oriented versus people-oriented and introversion versus extroversion.

However, ‘STAR Personality Styles’ has a slightly different perspective from DISC, other than the apparent difference in the acronym. These differences may be of interest and benefit. The information in this book is derived almost exclusively from biblical wisdom, my observations, and a small amount of science.

Page 53

Positive (STAR) Personality Styles:

Table comparing positive STAR Personality Styles

Becoming a STAR is simple, but it is not easy. It is simple because Jesus is our role model; it is not easy because we are not of divine birth like Jesus.

Page 73

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Following Jesus as a role model is simple, but it is not easy. The journey seems complicated. The teachings of the Holy Bible seem confusing. What appears to be a contradiction is Jesus using his different personality styles to teach audiences consisting of different personality styles. Jesus is in command of every personality style and speaks to each of us in the personality style that might motivate us to take the first step so that God can help us take the next step.

Once we are also in command of all personality styles, we will comprehend those with other personality Styles as easily as we comprehend ourselves.

Page 75

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Though the STAR Personality Styles system is easy to learn, graduating to the level of Kingdom of Heaven STAR is not easy. I am almost sixty years old and still working to become a Kingdom of Heaven STAR.

I like STAR as the acronym for positive traits because by simply reversing the acronym’s letters to RATS, I have another acronym for negative traits. The STAR Personality Style system aims to enable readers to become a Four-Dimensional STAR by becoming competent in all four personality styles, then following Jesus as the role model to become a Kingdom of Heaven STAR.

Page 76

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To become a Kingdom of Heaven STAR is to become like Jesus. You must always apply the correct biblical principle with the correct personality style for the situation and walk away from anyone who might pull you back down to Two-Dimensional STAR to RATS or Crazy-Maker.

Page 82

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As you graduate to each new personality style, you will experience and need to overcome newer and bigger trials and tribulations associated with that new personality style. Giving up was never an option for a child learning to walk and talk. Becoming a STAR needs to have the same level of commitment as a child learning to walk. Never give up.

Page 85

A telltale sign of STARs is that they will focus all positive expressions on the action (starting with the word “You”) and focus all the negative expressions on the individual (beginning with the word “It”).

After repeatedly hearing many positive expressions starting with the word “You,” such as “You are brilliant,” a positive metamessage will be established. After a positive metamessage has been established, any negative expression beginning with the word “It,” such as “It was a mistake,” will be interpreted with the positive metamessage so that the message becomes “It was a mistake, but keep trying because you are brilliant and you will find an excellent solution.”

Page 89

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The seven positive speech patterns that I explore are Praise, Compliment, Honourable, Soft-spoken, Righteous, Encouraging, and Cheerleader.

Page 90-91

Support Personality Style

Individuals with a positive Support Personality Style tend to be calm, dependable, trustworthy, and diplomatic, and they tend to be motivated by helping or supporting others.

Individuals with a positive Support Personality Style tend to like peace and being part of a team; they don’t like sarcasm or being yelled at.

Individuals with a positive Support Personality Style tend to speak in helper mode. For example, they might say, “I would be happy to help you …,” or “Don’t worry, I will take care of it for you …,” or “Would you like me to ….”. Their pattern of speaking is so gentle that it is challenging for them to switch into conflict mode. However, if the respondent does not respond gently, the positive Support Personality Style individual might be offended.

The Holy Bible has something for everyone and something for every personality style, including the Support Personality Style. There are many examples of significant biblical role models who provide support and help people.

Page 93

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Scripture verses are used to reveal that both Jesus and Simon Bar-jona (surnamed Peter) are described as having a positive Support Personality Style

There are many examples demonstrating that Peter had a positive primary Relationship Personality Style because he started as a Two-Dimensional STAR (with a positive secondary Support Personality Style) and grew to be a Four-Dimensional STAR and Kingdom of Heaven STAR.

Page 93-94

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Technical Personality Style

Individuals with a positive Technical Personality Style tend to be analytical, idealistic, and thorough, and they tend to be motivated by meticulous and logical tasks.

Individuals with a positive Technical Personality Style tend to like details and organization; they don’t like making mistakes or being criticized. I have found that individuals with a Technical Personality Style, like me, can comprehend the ‘small details.’

Individuals with a positive Technical Personality Style tend to speak in teacher mode. For example, “This is the best way to …,” or “There is only one right way …,” or “If this is going to be done right, I must do it myself.” Their pattern of speaking leaves no room for debate, and if you disagree with their imperative, your only choice is to go into conflict mode.

Technical Personality Style individuals have difficulty starting totally creative and artistic projects where clearly defined rules are impossible. Individuals with a Technical Personality Style feel more comfortable with starting new tasks when they can comprehend the rules, steps, and procedures from start to finish before they start.

The Holy Bible has something for everyone and something for every personality style, including the Technical Personality Style. There are many examples of rules and procedures in the Holy Bible providing correct behaviour for every situation.

Page 95-96

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Scripture verses are used to reveal that both Jesus and Simon Bar-jona (surnamed Peter) are described as having a positive Technical Personality Style

There are many examples demonstrating that Peter had a positive primary Relationship Personality Style because he started as a Two-Dimensional STAR (with a positive secondary Support Personality Style) and grew to be a Four-Dimensional STAR and Kingdom of Heaven STAR.

Page 96-97

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Action Personality Style

Individuals with a positive Action Personality Style tend to be strong-willed, independent, confident, and decisive, and they tend to be motivated by goals, deadlines, and important tasks.

Individuals with a positive Action Personality Style tend to like challenge, conflict, and competition; they don’t like taking orders, and they don’t like slow or argumentative people.

Individuals with a positive Action Personality Style tend to speak in imperatives, for example, “We must …,” or “You must …,” or “I must ….” Their pattern of speaking leaves no room for debate. If you disagree with their imperative, your only choice is to go into conflict mode.

The Holy Bible has something for everyone and something for every personality style, including the Action Personality Style. The relationship rules explain the easiest way to gain cooperation and accomplish goals without argument or delay. Unless the Action Personality Style individual is focused on establishing conflict in every relationship, the Action Personality Style individual can use the teachings of the Holy Bible to accomplish their goals without the delays that come with conflict.

Page 98-99

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Scripture verses are used to reveal that both Jesus and Simon Bar-jona (surnamed Peter) are described as having a positive Technical Personality Style

There are many examples demonstrating that Peter had a positive primary Relationship Personality Style because he started as a Two-Dimensional STAR (with a positive secondary Support Personality Style) and grew to be a Four-Dimensional STAR and Kingdom of Heaven STAR.

Page 98-102

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Relationship Personality Style

Individuals with a positive Relationship Personality Style tend to be friendly, collaborative, compassionate, talkative, fun, and optimistic. They tend to be likable, great idea people, and good starters.

Individuals with a positive Relationship Personality Style tend to like making people happy and making people laugh, and they prefer short-term projects. They don’t like doing repetitive or mundane tasks or being isolated or ignored.

Individuals with a positive Relationship Personality Style tend to speak in party mode. For example, “Let’s get together and have fun getting this done,” or “Let’s have a glass of wine while we …,” or “Let’s arrange a work party to ….” Their pattern of speaking is so infectious that it is very difficult to switch into conflict mode. However, they will sometimes make an excuse to leave early before completing the task.

The Holy Bible has something for everyone and something for every personality style, including the Relationship Personality Style. There are many examples of how people established an environment of love, peace, and joy even in the midst of tribulations.

Page 102-103

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Scripture verses are used to reveal that both Jesus and Simon Bar-jona (surnamed Peter) are described as having a positive Technical Personality Style

There are many examples demonstrating that Peter had a positive primary Relationship Personality Style because he started as a Two-Dimensional STAR (with a positive secondary Support Personality Style) and grew to be a Four-Dimensional STAR and Kingdom of Heaven STAR.

Page 104-105

Primary and Secondary Personality Styles

Most individuals will develop and use two personality styles. Usually, the two personality styles will be in the same category: task-oriented (Technical / Action) or people-oriented (Relationship / Support). People will usually operate day-to-day in their primary personality style and use their secondary personality style to resolve conflicts.

Page 107

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Kingdom of Heaven STAR is the Goal

The goal of learning the STAR Personality Styles is not to determine your personality style so that you can dictate to others how they must treat you. In sharing information from this book with others, I have seen task-oriented individuals learn people-oriented personality styles. I have also witnessed people-oriented individuals learn task-oriented personality styles.

The goal for learning ‘STAR Personality Styles’ is to know your primary and secondary personality styles so that you can learn the missing personality styles in order to become whole and perfect in the image of God. We must learn to recognize the different personality styles to guide children to develop their missing personality styles. God granted man dominion over the plants, animals, and everything on the earth but did not grant man dominion over another man’s free will. We cannot use STAR Personality Styles to force another adult to change into our likeness or even into the likeness of Jesus. Forcing change would violate their free will.

To become a STAR, you must first become self-aware. Then, you need to develop self-control so that you can recognize and receive God’s Love and establish self-love. Then, you can reflect God’s Love to others.

God is love, and love is the goal.

Most Two-Dimensional STARs are either people-oriented or task-oriented. A Two-Dimensional STAR will grow into a Three-Dimensional STAR when life throws experiences at them, requiring them to venture outside their normal orientation of being people-oriented or task-oriented. For example, a Two-Dimensional people-oriented STAR would need to learn the nuances of the Technical STAR in order to become better qualified as a programmer or lawyer.

A Four-Dimensional STAR is competent in all four personality styles. The difference between the Four-Dimensional STAR and the Kingdom of Heaven STAR is how well you can blend the Kingdom Principles of the Holy Bible into your knowledge and application of the four personality styles.

Jesus Christ is a Kingdom of Heaven STAR and is the perfect role model to study. Becoming a Kingdom of Heaven STAR is the goal, but there is no course, no certificate, and no protection on your journey to becoming a Kingdom of Heaven STAR. Many things might cause you to stumble. It is always possible to revert from a Kingdom of Heaven STAR to a Four-Dimensional or Two-Dimensional STAR, especially if you deal ineffectively with RATSs or Crazy-Makers.

Page 111-112

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You Complete Me

Many say that it is wrong to say, “You complete me,” because we must each be complete in ourselves. However, how can we be complete in ourselves if we are only one or two parts of the four parts of the Kingdom of Heaven STAR? Not only do we need to have all four parts of the STAR in our STAR personality matrix, but we also need to be as close to a balanced state as possible, enabling us to switch between the styles as circumstances require. We cannot do this alone, but with God, all things are possible, and we have Jesus Christ as our Role Model.

Page 126

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One of the side benefits of becoming a Four-Dimensional STAR is that you will deal with and overcome stress much easier, even when you are alone. Coping with stress is always difficult, and venting stress is sometimes difficult for others to hear. Remember that you are never truly alone as long as you have God in your life. God is always a great listener, especially when you have the strength of all of the personality styles needed to help you overcome the meteors of tribulation that impact the shiny golden surface of your comfort zone. It is easier to become a Four-Dimensional STAR if you switch from following the sad news of the media to following the good news of God’s Word.

Page 130

Transformation of Saul to Paul

Scripture verses are used to reveal the transformation of Saul as a RATS to Paul as a Four-Dimensional STAR.

Page 130-133

Negative (RATS) Personality Styles (including Crazy-Makers):

Table comparing negative RATS Personality Styles

I believe that everyone is prewired to desire relationships, and RATSs and Crazy-Makers are no different than STARs in this regard. RATS and Crazy-Makers are also prewired to desire relationships; they just have different perceptions of what relationship means.

I do not claim that RATS and Crazy-Makers are always evil, but they are always emotionally draining. I also believe that all children start as Crazy-Makers and grow to become RATS, then grow to become STARs. However, our expectations are different for children than adults, so children are not emotionally draining. The information in this book is not intended to be used as advice for parenting or caregiving.

Before I proceed any further, I would like to make certain that you, the reader, comprehend that everyone was a Crazy-Maker or RATS in their past and that everyone grows from Crazy-Maker to RATS and many grow to STAR. Righteousness is a characteristic that is developed from the teachings of the Holy Bible.

Everyone likes to be in their comfort zone, even if their comfort zone is dysfunctional. As they say, ‘Better the devil you know than the devil that you don’t know.’ Often, people will seek relationships (personal, work, etc.) that will keep them in their comfort zone; thus, they might continue their RATS or Crazy-Maker personality styles from childhood into adulthood. RATSs and Crazy-Makers need dysfunctional people to gaslight to feel safe in their comfort zone.

Page 137

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The reason to identify someone as a RATS or Crazy-Maker in your life is never to change their behaviour, but always to control your own behaviour.

Being unaware of RATSs or Crazy-Makers leaves you vulnerable to their wiles, tricks, strategies, and gaslighting. Gaslighting is manipulation with the intent to cause the victim to view themselves as the problem. You have lost the battle as soon as you defend your position or try to control their behaviour. The RATS or Crazy-Maker maintain control by keeping you off balance and distracting your focus away from God’s Love and balance. Distracting your focus from God keeps your focus off your Kingdom Assignment.

Page 138

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Defending yourself from a RATS or Crazy-Maker is not wrong; however, it is ineffective. The style of defence must change when the RATS or Crazy-Maker is deliberately trying to cause you to lose your temper in an attempt to maintain control over you. Instead, it would help if you had an effective and positive STAR way of releasing/expressing your anger. Losing your temper at a gaslighting RATS will only cause more confusion, doubt, shame and harm to the STAR (refer to the Appendix for a safe, effective, and positive way to release and express your hurt or anger).

Page 138

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People who will benefit most from this section, with much-needed support from counsellors and psychotherapists, are those who suffer gaslighters. They will probably intuitively know that something is wrong and will require help to resolve the confusion.

Page 139-140

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Normal STAR Growth pattern:

Table of Normal STAR Growth in Relation to the School-Age Category

Like children, RATSs and Crazy-Makers manufacture explanations that evade blame and place blame on others. The behaviour is still childish, but adult RATSs and Crazy-Makers have many more years of experience and, therefore, more skill, knowledge, and desperation to keep their self-image intact.

Page 141

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Identifying the Type of RATS

Simply observing certain uncomfortable behaviours is not enough to justify a label. Having a label to identify a condition and knowing that we are not the only ones experiencing the condition can help us comprehend, accept, and come to terms with the condition and can help us avoid toxic self-talk. Identifying the label is the first step; the next is knowing that there might be an effective solution to recover our sense of calm.

Page 143

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The labels that I have used for passive and defiant RATS are based on my comprehension of the labels, but might not match a more precise psychiatric definition. Therefore, I have included definitions for each classification.

RATSs and Crazy-Makers focus on self-protection and often invent reasons and explanations that make no sense. They will argue fiercely to protect their invented reasons and explanations as valid. Several weeks later, they will forget what they said and invent new reasons and explanations that contradict their earlier reasons and explanations. They will then fight fiercely to deny what they said several weeks ago. You can never win a logical, truthful argument against a RATS or Crazy-Maker; at best, you can hope to explain what the Holy Bible expects and pray that they will grow spiritually.

The most important thing to remember about RATSs and Crazy-Makers is that their negative gaslighting behaviour is not an attempt to destroy you. It is the only way RATSs know to protect their own insecurities from the truth.

Page 144

Passive, Defiant, and Aggressive

For this book, I distinguish between passive, defiant, and aggressive. Passive and defiant are different manifestations of what is commonly referred to as passive-aggressive behaviour. I believe that passive-aggressive behaviour rarely manifests as overt physically aggressive violence, but it is a term that is commonly used.

The main difference between a defiant and an aggressive individual is that a defiant individual will usually be verbally abusive, whereas an aggressive individual will often be physically violent.

Based on my distinction between defiant and aggressive, a defiant RATS will reject your idea, no matter how beneficial to them, whereas an aggressive RATS will force their idea onto you, no matter how harmful to you.

Some RATSs and Crazy-Makers, such as individuals with negative Action Personality Styles, will exhibit overt physically aggressive behaviour. Simply ignoring the passive-aggressive individual does not work because they will escalate the conflict until you lose your temper. However, losing your temper also does not work because they have successfully distracted you from the insecurity they fiercely protect.

Passive-aggressive individuals will praise themselves and criticize others. Rather than asking for what they would like you to do, they will wait until you start something and then explain, in their personality style, why your action is harming them.

The Relationship RATS will focus on feelings of disharmony within the relationship when explaining how your actions are causing harm; you are simply not considering their feelings.

The Action RATS will focus on results when explaining how your actions are causing harm; you simply failed.

The Technical RATS will focus on details when explaining how your actions are causing harm; you are simply doing it wrong or at the wrong time.

The Support RATS will focus on feelings of illness when explaining how your actions are causing harm; you are simply increasing their stress, which is causing their failing health.

Page 147

A telltale sign of a RATS and Crazy-Maker is that they will focus all positive expressions on the action (starting with the word “It” or “That”) and focus all the negative expressions on the individual (beginning with the word “You”).

After repeatedly hearing many negative Expressions beginning with the word “You,” such as “You are an idiot,” a negative metamessage will be established. After a negative metamessage has been established, any positive expression beginning with the word “It,” such as “It was a good idea,” will be interpreted with the negative metamessage so that the message becomes “It was a good idea … for an idiot like you.”

Page 153

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The seven negative speech patterns that I explore are Criticism, Complaint, Gaslighting, Yelling, Back-Stabbing, Badmouth, and Name-calling.

Page 153-157

RATSs produce more RATSs and Crazy-Makers. RATS and Crazy-Maker parents produce children who grow up to be RATSs or Crazy-Makers. RATS and Crazy-Maker coworkers produce coworkers who become RATSs and Crazy-Makers. RATSs and Crazy-Makers with titles of authority produce RATSs and Crazy-Makers who rebel against Crazy-Maker or RATS authority.

In the book, I break down the negative personality styles into passive and defiant manifestations or subcategories.

Page 159

Relationship Personality Style

Individuals with a negative Relationship Personality Style tend to be weak-willed, conformist, pessimistic, and restless; they tend to be poor finishers and prone to exaggerate.

Because RATSs see constructive criticism as the same as destructive criticism, and because an individual with a negative primary Relationship Personality Style is focused on everything fun for them, they will receive any suggestion for improvement as a threat of loss of their love, joy, peace, and harmony.

Page 159

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Conformist (Passive)

Manipulator (Defiant)

Page 159-160

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Action Personality Style

Individuals with Action Negative Personality Style tend to be cruel, domineering and unemotional and might be violent prima-donnas.

Because RATSs see constructive criticism as the same as destructive criticism, and because the Action RATSs measure their self-worth by their accomplishments, they will see any suggestion for improvement as a delay or impediment to their goal.

Page 160

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Saboteur (Passive)

Tyrant (Defiant)

Page 160-161

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Technical Personality Style

Individuals with a negative Technical Personality Style tend to be vengeful, critical, rigid, and negative. They tend to be easily offended and opinionated, and they might pry for details that they can use to criticize you.

Because RATSs see constructive criticism as the same as destructive criticism, and because ‘they think therefore they are’ and they are what they think, the Technical RATS will see any suggestion for improvement as a personal rejection.

Page 161

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Perfectionist (Passive)

Hypercritic (Defiant)

Page 161-162

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Support Personality Style

Individuals with a negative Support Personality Style (Support RATS) tend to be anxious, indecisive, self-protective, dependent, resentful, and needy.

Because RATSs see constructive criticism as the same as destructive criticism, and because someone with a negative primary Support Personality Style is focused on being appreciated for their ability to get help for themselves, they see any suggestion for improvement as a rejection of their need for help and therefore a rejection of them.

Page 163

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Hypochondriac (Passive)

Melodramatic (Defiant)

Page 163

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Crazy-Maker

My definition of a Crazy-Maker is someone who uses only one personality style for every interaction.

A passive perfectionist with a negative primary Technical Personality Style might become a defiant tyrant with a negative secondary Action Personality Style when they feel backed into a corner. Crazy-Makers will use the same style for every situation.

A Crazy-Maker manipulator (defiant) will still use a manipulator (defiant) when they feel backed into a corner.

Page 163-164

Tell-Tale Signs of a RATS

If you have ever had the repeated experience of an individual arguing against you very defiantly on a specific point and then, some days or weeks later, they have no recollection of why they argued so defiantly, and further, they have no recollection of having argued defiantly against you, then you are likely dealing with a RATS.

Suppose you have ever had the repeated experience of an individual defining rules and demanding that you obey their rules, and they consider themselves exempt from the same rules. In that case, you are probably dealing with a RATS.

If you have ever had the repeated experience of an individual who consistently refuses to apologize and always denies any mistake or wrongdoing, then you are probably dealing with a RATS or Crazy-Maker. If you are constantly forced to yield in order to maintain peace, then you are probably dealing with a RATS or Crazy-Maker.

Consistently ineffective interactions between an individual with a task-oriented Style and another with a people-oriented Style might frustrate one or both individuals into a RATS pattern of behaviour.

This RATS pattern of behaviour might be isolated within this single relationship, and when both frustrated individuals interact with other people, there is no evidence of the RATS pattern. Since the RATS pattern is isolated between these two individuals, they might not be RATS. However, if there is a requirement for the individuals to continue interacting with each other, the pattern of conflict needs to be resolved.

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In determining if the trespasser is a RATS, it is crucial to look for patterns.

Looking at a single incident can lead to an error in judgment. Everyone can appear to be a RATS, either by mistake in their behaviour or by mistake in their perception. Only a true RATS will continuously repeat the same RATS pattern. Measure each incident and the pattern of incidents by comparing the pattern with the teachings found in Ephesians 4:29 and Romans 14:23.

Page 167

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The Holy Bible teaches how to deal with adult RATSs. Debating with a RATS will only cause you to devolve to a RATS level.

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RATS and Abuse

Many people talk about emotional abuse as separate from other forms of abuse.

It is easy to comprehend how the common abuse labels of physical, verbal, and sexual abuse are also emotional abuse. There are other types of abuse, such as alcohol, drugs, gambling, pornography, and sex addiction, and they also produce psychological difficulties of emotional abuse, similar to the more commonly accepted labels of abuse.

However, I believe that negative personality style behaviours such as anger, criticism, complaining, manipulation, tyranny, sabotage, etc., should also be classified as addiction.

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I believe that the basis of all negative personality style addiction is ‘control’ of self, other people, and the environment. I also believe that all negative personality style addictions are motivated to evade truth or protect secrets.

Page 170

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For many RATSs, the tenuous solution of Faking-fine is the RATS’ only acceptable solution because it meets their requirement of safeguarding their secret. Faking-fine and repenting are mutually exclusive. The trespasser cannot repent of their sins if they pretend that they did not sin and pretend that the sufferer did not suffer. Faking-fine will also prevent you from learning from mistakes. Since the mistakes (sins) are forgotten, they are treated as if they never happened.

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RATS and the Holy Bible

RATS are often self-proclaimed experts of the Holy Bible but often recall the quotes out of context.

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Forgive and Forget

The Holy Bible teaches that we must forgive, and many RATS quote this passage while equating forgive with forget. However, the Holy Bible clarifies that forgive and forget do not have the same meaning.

Page 176

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God has granted everyone free will. Nobody has the right to impose their will on you. However, you have the right to prevent someone from using their free will to cause deliberate and evil harm to you.

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Tell-tale Signs of Crazy Maker

Everything explained about telltale signs of RATSs is also true for Crazy-Makers, with a few distinctions. In an adult or teenager, childish temper tantrums might signify you are dealing with a Crazy-Maker. The only way that the Crazy-Maker will stop attacking you is if you do precisely what the Crazy-Maker is demanding.

Crazy-Makers cause others to feel that the only way that they can deal with the Crazy-Maker is to retaliate with Crazy-Maker’s behaviour of their own personality style.

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A Crazy-Maker manufactures drama to control the scope of the situation in their single personality style, like children in their imaginary role-play. The control behaviour depends on their single personality style.

As adults, Crazy-Makers are better at pretending to desire resolution for relationship challenges. However, since their repertoire of skills is limited to one personality style, every challenge must fit into their single personality style. They manufacture confusion by forcing the square peg into the round hole.

Page 182

Everyone has triggers. Triggers are memories and metamessages that can dredge up traumatic memories and emotions from the past. Imagine an open wound that has just recently scabbed over and is now waiting to heal. Now imagine someone quickly ripping that scab off. The pain you feel when the scab is ripped off is as painful as the original injury.

A trigger causes you to relive the same painful memory of the past experience, and with each repeated trigger, the emotional scar becomes more painful and more permanent. Imagine that a hypercritical person makes a hurtful comment. You may be able to resist reacting for a long time because you are confident in your identity. If the incident has not been resolved or there have been no fruits of repentance, then the continued hurtful pattern of comments or behaviours becomes a messy pile that has just been pushed to one side. After the hypercritical person has repeated the pattern of hurtful comments long enough, without any resolution, that messy pile becomes a mountain or metamessage. Every time the pattern is repeated, the entire metamessage mountain becomes an emotional landslide, burying the sufferer with a mountain of unresolved hurt.

Page 189

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A STAR can devolve to RATS through negative self-talk. If you think it is difficult dealing with a RATS when you can walk away, imagine living inside the mind of a RATS when there is no getting away from their self-persecution.

Toxic self-talk is Satan’s voice. RATSs are trapped in a prison of Satan’s self-talk, and Satan is the gatekeeper; don’t help Satan persecute the RATS by becoming Satan’s guest torturer. Ensure that your words always edify and never tear down.

Page 190

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There are many RATS triggers, but I will focus on the most obvious triggers specific to each personality style.

In the book, I describe each of the most common triggers so that you can avoid triggering the individual that you are speaking to.

Page 192-193

The time of Jesus’ crucifixion was the Passover. All Jews from all of Judah were required to celebrate the Passover at the temple in Jerusalem. The following is a short and very brief list of some of the RATSs involved in Jesus’ crucifixion.

Page 195

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I reveal the scripture verses for the following individuals from each RATS Personality Style: Pontius Pilate, as a Relationship-Conformer; Pharisees and Chief Priests, as Action-Saboteur; Roman soldiers, as Technical-Hypercritic; and Judas Iscariot, as Support-Melodramatic.

Many people choose to focus on the evil that Judas did, but an important point to remember is that Satan did not enter into Judas until Jesus had removed his protection from Judas (John 13:26-27):

The Holy Bible teaches that it was not until Jesus gave the sop to Judas that Satan entered into Judas. Jesus told Judas to do his part so that Jesus’ Kingdom Assignment could be completed. Later, Judas regretted his role in the capture and murder of Jesus and Judas killed himself. The verses from the book of Job demonstrate that Satan has no power until God’s Protection is removed.

Page 195-196

The Holy Bible teaches that we all start by walking in the sins of the world. Then, with the help of God, we are reborn through Jesus Christ to sit together with Jesus in heavenly places.

Trials and tribulations can be thought of as tests. However, it seems that these tests come before the lessons. First, the test identifies the need, and then the lesson comes afterward to show how to achieve a better grade on the test.

Page 197

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Trials are pleasure temptations, things that we desire but are sinful. During trials, we often ignore the Holy Spirit’s voice telling us to stop before we sin because the temptation of pleasure is so wonderful.

Tribulations are painful experiences, unpleasant things that we would like to avoid. During tribulations, we often pray to God to end the unpleasantness, or we are tempted to become angry at God for allowing it.

A simple way to remember the distinction between trials and tribulations is that trials are temptations that lure us into a trap, and tribulations are terrors that scare us away from a treasure.

Page 198

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It might help to remember that Jesus came to earth as a redeemer rather than a rescuer. It might also help to remember that God does not allow any tribulation beyond your capability. Therefore, rescue is unnecessary.

Overcoming tribulations is simple because Jesus shows the path to victory. However, it is not easy because you must commit to completing the journey. You will have lost the race if you quit before the finish line.

You cannot change anyone other than yourself, but God can motivate and guide others to change themselves.

Page 204

This chapter helps you to identify the personality style of the individual that you are arguing with.

Page 213

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The Holy Bible cautions that if we apply the label of RATS or Crazy-Maker to someone’s trespass, we might be tempted to react with typical RATS or Crazy-Maker behaviour. This common feelings-based reaction will escalate the conflict. To de-escalate the conflict, the participants must calmly contemplate the situation with a godly mind, heart, and will.

When dealing with RATS or Crazy-Maker, do not accept their statements as truth; do your due diligence and determine the true facts so that you can respond righteously to their trespass.

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You cannot force a RATS or Crazy-Maker to grow up or correct their behaviour.

The only spirit you are allowed to change is your own.

Page 215

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The truth is that there is no way of dealing with a RATS or Crazy-Maker; only God is strong enough to deal with them.

If you are arguing with a RATS or Crazy-Maker, you do not have the right to control their behaviour, but you do have the right to walk away from harm.

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The stronger must help the weaker to develop a stronger relationship with God. Jesus is the only begotten Son of God and is, therefore, stronger than any Christian. In Matthew 11:29-30, Jesus offers his strength to help weaker Christians develop a stronger relationship with God.

Page 217

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… the Holy Bible explains how God deals with RATSs and Crazy-Makers.

Page 219

Questions that begin with “Why” reflect the perceptions and presumptions of the speaker.

However, since why questions reflect the perceptions and presumptions of the speaker, starting any question with the word “Why” will often be interpreted as criticism. The word “Why” implies both a disagreement and a foregone conclusion of the true facts supporting your accusation against your opponent.

For example, consider this why question. “Why did you kill your neighbour?” This why question implies that the questioner disagrees with your decision to kill your neighbour, the questioner has evidence against you, and the questioner has already judged you as guilty of killing your neighbour.

Page 221-222

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In the book, I explore how to identify the personality style from the styles of the messages.

Page 233

Comprehension of any information or message is determined by content, relationship, and context.

There can be no comprehension of the message without clarity between the content, relationship, and context. Our brains are designed to quickly evaluate facts and make a quick determination as a natural defence mechanism.

Page 235

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Everyone has boundaries, whether they are aware of them or not. The problem in many conflicts might be one of two reasons. First, trespassers might not be aware of the trespass because sufferers are not protecting their boundaries. Second, transgressors might deliberately violate laws to trample boundaries and steal from the sufferers. It is the violation of the boundaries that causes pain, which in turn results in conflict.

Page 238

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I believe that disagreements are inevitable, but conflicts are avoidable. It is not a question of if there will be a disagreement, but when.

Disagreements occur when we experience something that appears to be a trespass. Conflict results from escalated disagreements when we come to a decision or judgment without any flexibility, and a trespass has occurred.

Page 239

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An in-depth and honest study of the Holy Bible will provide plenty of information to satisfy each of the STAR Personality Styles: compassion and healing for the Support Style, correct thinking and rules for the Technical Style, repercussions for non-compliance with laws for the Action Style, and harmony advice for the Relationship Style.

Without abandoning their own primary personality style, each personality style can improve social interactions through true compliance with all of the Biblical principles and teachings.

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You have two ears, two eyes, and only one mouth, so you should watch and listen twice as much as you speak. Use your two eyes to observe; use your two ears to listen; together, your eyes and ears will allow you to study the experience and determine the true facts to present to your mind and heart in order to express your will by responding with a godly response.

Page 246

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We must continually guard our hearts and our tongues. Children are not born with saintly behaviour and must be taught Kingdom Principles. Many stimuli can cause even the most righteous of hearts to falter and become evil. As the heart becomes evil, the tongue speaks evil.

The speaker’s hurtful words will poison the speaker’s mind as well as the mind of the listener. As the speaker repeatedly speaks poisonous words, their heart internalizes this poison, and their heart becomes filled with more evil, starting a downward spiral to self-destruction.

Do not speak evil to anyone or about anyone. Even if the person being spoken about does not hear the words, the speaker’s mind and heart will hear and feel the words and poison the speaker’s heart to become evil. If we extend the teachings of Jesus Christ to know that thinking of sin is also sin, then we must also stop thinking evil words about anyone. Your thoughts lead to your words, which, in turn, lead to your actions. Your actions impact your relationships and society. You can change your relationship and society simply by changing your thoughts.

Page 251

I have heard it said that a marriage is not truly a marriage until conflict enters the marriage. No two people can live together without disagreements, but conflict does not need to end a marriage if the two spouses are willing to become more Christ-like.

Disagreements are guaranteed to occur; however, conflicts are a choice. With good interpersonal skills, it is possible to prevent escalation from disagreement to conflict. It takes two people to have a conflict, and it takes two people to resolve the conflict. And it will take two people to grow together to avoid future conflicts.

Marriage is a divine blessing. Faith and marriage are made of the same key ingredients. Faith = Love + Belief + Trust + Hope. God does not cause tribulations, but God uses tribulations to grow your spirit and faith. And you need faith to help you overcome the tribulation.

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Control your Spiritual Mind’s thoughts to change your Spiritual Heart’s feelings, which will, in turn, change your Spiritual Will. Thoughts become beliefs that produce more thoughts supporting and reinforcing the belief. Your words reflect the thoughts of your Spiritual Mind. Your emotions reflect the feelings of your Spiritual Heart. Your actions and non-actions reflect your Spiritual Will. In turn, your Spiritual Will reflects your Spiritual Mind and your Spiritual Heart in a circular relationship.

Page 254

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The Spiritual Will feeds the Spiritual Heart; the Spiritual Heart feeds the Spiritual Mind. Observable actions and non-actions change the desires of the Spiritual Heart and beliefs of the Spiritual Mind. Emoted emotions change the feelings of the Spiritual Heart. Spoken words change the thoughts of the Spiritual Mind. If you know that you need to learn empathy towards others in order to become a STAR, then behave as if you feel empathy and observe their reactions to your words and behaviour until the neurons of your brain are rewired, and your empathy becomes real.

Whatever starting point in the circular relationship of your Spiritual Mind, Heart and Will, righteous input is always the correct input to achieve righteous output. The Holy Bible is the only correct definition of righteous behaviour.

Page 254-255

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Add God and Stir

It is important to remember the distinction between feelings and emotions. The emotion of love is not the same as the feeling of love. Emotions require decision, commitment and spiritual obedience. The only way that families can have true harmony is by becoming one with Jesus Christ and following Jesus’ light to the spiritual Kingdom of Heaven on Earth.

Page 255

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There really is no need to have conflict within your family if you follow Jesus’ example. It is important to remember that walking away is not always a permanent physical walking away, but might be a temporary spiritual walking away. It is also important to remember that everyone makes mistakes and that forgiveness is mandatory. So, it may often be better to walk away temporarily as a form of spiritual timeout.

Page 256

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The Christian life can be like standing in the eye of a hurricane. The conflict is the storm raging around you while you are focused on God’s Beauty and Peace. You see the storm from the peaceful, godly center of your Spiritual Mind, Heart, and Will.

The eye of the hurricane is filled with a special calm companionship in the presence of God, the Holy Spirit, and Jesus Christ. In the presence of the Godhead is God’s Divine Wisdom, Understanding, Knowledge, Strength, Courage, Love, Faith, Joy, Peace, Empathy, and Harmony.

Page 257

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If you are having difficulty with anyone, especially a RATS or a Crazy-Maker or enemy, always do the right thing based on Kingdom Principles.

If there is a possible danger to your spirit or body, then walk away, or let the RATS or Crazy-Maker walk away from you. Deal with the conflict resolution from a safe distance.

If this situation cannot be resolved by spiritually walking away, and if reconciliation is the goal, then physically walking away as a temporary timeout is the right thing to do. Eventually, always doing the right thing will frustrate the RATS or Crazy-Maker into giving up their tactics. In any case, if you have obeyed the Kingdom Principles, you have not compromised the integrity of your spirit.

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Luke 22:39-46 is an excellent example of the struggle between feelings and emotions. The Holy Bible describes Jesus’ physical condition the night that he was arrested; he was experiencing the agonizing tribulation of his pending death, and “his sweat was as it were great drops of blood falling down to the ground.”

What Jesus was feeling is intuitively obvious. Jesus knew that he would be killed, and his body reacted with a strong feeling of desire to escape death.

However, Jesus said, “Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done.” In response to Jesus’ prayer, God sent an angel to strengthen Jesus; “And there appeared an angel unto him from heaven, strengthening him.”

Jesus had a Kingdom Assignment, and no matter how much the feelings of his natural body desired to use self-will to escape his Kingdom Assignment, Jesus’ Spiritual Mind, Heart, and Will were united and resolved to express the emotion of determination to do the right thing.

Jesus needed to call on his Action Personality Style to remain resolved and do God’s Will. The carnal feeling of love for God’s People was not enough to enable Jesus to complete his Kingdom Assignment. It was the spiritual emotion of love, which requires a decision, that enabled Jesus to remain committed to his Kingdom Assignment.

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A marriage is like a garden. The husband and the wife have been charged with the duty of caring for the garden of their marriage. Both should prepare against possible damaging conflict by showering each other with at least one compliment or praise every day.

Remember that it takes at least ten compliments to recover from every small criticism. If the criticism is very hurtful, then it might take a thousand compliments to heal your marriage. Remember every criticism, complaint, name-calling, and backstabbing that you threw at your spouse. Any negative emotion thrown at your spouse is like a weed, and some weeds are more invasive than others.

If you are a gardener and if you have experienced binder weed, then you know how difficult it is to remove it. Treat every negative emotion as if it were a binder weed root that you are about to plant into the garden of your marriage.

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It is not about finding the spouse that best matches your personality style; it is about finding the spouse who can grow to become a Kingdom of Heaven STAR with you. It is not about giving your spouse what they need based on their personality style; it is about both spouses being able to use whatever personality style best fits the circumstances.

Instead of fighting our differences, we should accept each other as teachers and model the positive differences between us so that we can both have the opportunity to become Kingdom of Heaven STARs.

Positive learning is the incorporation of positive differences into our character. Negative learning is avoiding negative differences to ensure that the other individual’s negative differences never come into our character.

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Solutions for relationship disagreements and conflicts are not possible without Empathy. Empathy can be learned by following the rules found in the Holy Bible.

A simple process for learning empathy is explained within the book.

Page 265

I hope that it is self-evident that fighting fair is a term for verbal arguments and not physical fights; I hope there are no physical fights in your relationships. If your conflict has escalated to physical fights, then remove yourself to a safe distance and invoke a timeout for everyone to calm down. Once everyone is calm, you are now ready to start discussions to resolve the conflict.

Always do the right thing. This decision means always doing things according to the Kingdom Principles, as revealed in the Holy Bible. Always use your will to fight with integrity, with your Spiritual Mind and Heart united by God’s Mind and Heart, to achieve the best results.

Every room in your home should be a safe zone. This rule is especially true for the bedrooms and the dining room. I have taught the DESK method to several families. One Christian family uses their garage for their standing DESK conflict resolution meetings. If you were called to the garage, you knew that it was probably for a DESK conflict resolution meeting. Using the garage for DESK meetings had the advantage of keeping the meetings short because the meetings were standing meetings.

Page 267

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God gave everyone free will, and we can only truly control ourselves. God gifted you with free will, and nobody has the right to override your free will. This right to free will does not mean that you have the right to choose sin. Sin usually violates someone else’s free will or causes pain. You do not have the right to use your free will to violate someone else’s free will or well-being.

Unfortunately, you might choose to use your free will to relinquish your free will. You might allow another to use their free will to override your free will. You might choose to remain in a relationship that violates your boundaries and causes you pain.

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Submitting yourself to someone else’s free will is a violation of God’s First and Second Commandments: “Thou shalt have no other God before me” and “Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image … nor bow down to the images nor serve them”. By submitting your will to another’s will, you are accepting this other individual as your God.

Page 267-268

When we focus on our adversary as the cause of a conflict, the only possible solution is to force a change in their behaviour, which is a wasted effort (vanity) that can never be successful (vexation of spirit). The conflict can never be resolved, and therefore, it is spiritual irritation (vexation of spirit) that can only grow with each incident.

It may be possible to force a concession on the others involved in the conflict, but the final result will be a bigger conflict in the future.

Page 268

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I recommend the DESK system for Difficult Conversations and Conflict Resolution as a strategy to fight fair.

D = Describe the facts without any blame or assumptions.

E = Express your feelings using “I feel …” statements.

S = Specific; deal only with the current issue; do not allow scope creep to other issues.

K = Keep at it. If emotions turn negative, use a time-out to cool down, but don’t give up until a resolution is reached.

I have clarified the steps and embellished the system that was presented to me. I have enhanced the describe step of the DESK process. I include Albert Mehrabian’s 7-38-55 Rule of Personal Communication (from the sufferer’s perspective). I have added an additional step, which includes active listening (from the trespasser’s perspective).

Page 269-283

People have been blaming others for their own wickedness since Adam and Eve. Adam blamed God for creating Eve. Adam blamed Eve for giving Adam the forbidden fruit. Eve blamed the snake (Satan) for deceiving Eve. 

Neither Adam nor Eve took ownership of their sin. Neither Adam nor Eve repented of their sin. Both Adam and Eve paid the atonement cost of their Sin-Debt. 

Do not justify your wickedness by blaming your wicked parents, spouse, society, nation, or government. You are the only one responsible for your righteousness or wickedness. 

Page 285

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I use the people in the history of Ezekiel to explain why and how RATS must grow up.

Page 285-290

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Growing up to become a Kingdom of Heaven STAR is always simple, but it is also never easy. It is simple because all you have to do is follow Jesus and do what he does. It is not easy because there are many stumbling blocks along the journey.

Jesus already showed us the path around the stumbling blocks, but the path is narrow and winding, and we cannot know the path unless we study the entire Holy Bible. Most people stop when they find a wide path that is both straight and easy.

Page 290

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If you are a RATS or Crazy-Maker, you need to grow up or be left behind. No counsellor can do this for you; this is a journey that you need to undertake for yourself. Counsellors can only help you prepare for the growth to the higher stages of STAR. Jesus is the way, and only Jesus can show you the way to become a Kingdom of Heaven STAR and how to manifest the spiritual Kingdom of Heaven on Earth into your life.

Page 295-296

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Your choice is simple: choose Satan’s pain and suffering or choose God’s Joy and Blessings.

Choose the rewards of Satan’s world or the blessings of God’s spiritual Kingdom of Heaven on Earth. If you choose to sit on the fence, you will be impaled by the fence post.

Grow up or be left behind. It is never too late to choose God.

Page 297-298

If you are a RATS or a Crazy-Maker, you are not allowed to remain a RATS or Crazy-Maker for the rest of your life. If you have decided that it is impossible to overcome your RATS or Crazy-Maker nature, then you have unknowingly declared that you revere Satan as stronger than God.

God’s Desire and expectation are that we each experience tribulations as growing pains to grow up and come away from evil. Don’t put your confidence in your ability to overcome RATS syndrome; instead, put your confidence in God’s Ability to guide you to become a STAR. In the appendix, I have included a prayer that I often use.

Page 299-301

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If you have determined that you are a RATS or Crazy-Maker, the first thing that you need to do is confess it to yourself and to God. If your RATS or Crazy-Maker behaviour has hurt someone, and if you would like to apologize to repair the relationship, then you need first to identify the sufferer’s primary personality style and then tailor your apology to their primary personality style.

Page 301

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If a RATS or Crazy-Maker struggles with change, it is almost always true that Satan’s pride is holding them back from admitting that they need help and holding them back from turning to God in their time of need.

Page 302

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Nothing within Man’s World is strong enough to conquer the causes of anxiety and distress of things produced in Man’s World. Only our divine Godhead can reach into Man’s World from God’s Kingdom of Heaven to give us the strength to stand strong.

It is important to remember that God is a Redeemer, not a Rescuer. God will help you through the tough times, but will not remove the tough times from your path. God will help you prepare for your STAR growth, but will not write your exams. God will guide you to know what is correct, but will not make your decisions for you. No matter what happens to you in Man’s World, God is there to help you through the storm if you accept God’s Help.

Page 302

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Introduction to Biblical Duties

This section is for relationships that can confront and deal with the conflict safely. If there is any possibility or evidence of physical abuse or any form of danger, then you need to walk away from the conflict location and, if desired, attempt to resolve the conflict issue from a safe distance.

I will not claim that RATS are always evil, but they are always emotionally draining.

Page 302-304

One Life and Then Judgment

Luke 16:19-31 teaches why we should do our best to become Kingdom of Heaven STARs. Since nobody can know the exact moment of their death, everyone should start as soon as possible to implement the wisdom of the Holy Bible. The benefit is that the sooner you implement the wisdom of the Holy Bible, the sooner you will reap the rewards and blessings promised in 2 Peter 1:2-11.

Page 304-305

The Holy Bible teaches that the earnest prayer of a righteous man or woman can accomplish many things.

God will provide a righteous man or woman with everything that they need, but everyone has the right to pray for the things that they desire in addition to the things that they need.

One of the preconditions to having your prayers answered is that your prayer-request must be in line with God’s Will. If you pray for God to drop a million dollars into your lap, it might not be according to God’s Will; if God has decided to bring a cancer patient back to heaven, your prayer to have the cancer patient healed might not be answered.

If your prayer request is in line with God’s Will, and if you pray fervently and constantly, then your prayer has a good chance of being answered as you requested, especially if your request is impossible without God and God’s granting of the request will increase your faith.

I have heard many RATSs and Crazy-Makers complain that God does not answer their prayers. It might be that God is waiting for the RATS or Crazy-Maker to relinquish control and allow God to help them.

Until the RATS or Crazy-Maker relinquishes control to God, God cannot help without overriding free will and escalating conflict.

Page 309-310

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Here is another thing to remember about the power of prayer: the bigger the prayer request, the longer the wait before God blesses you with your request. The delay is not due to the time it takes for God to manifest the blessing. God can manifest any blessing instantly, but it might take longer for you to be mature enough to receive and hold on to God’s Blessing.

While you are waiting for God’s Blessings, God is growing your spirit so that you will be spiritually mature enough for your big blessing request. Don’t forget to be fervent and persistent in your prayer request. If your prayers stop before you receive God’s Blessing, it is a sign that your desire has stopped.

The Holy Bible teaches that faith is a prerequisite to miracles. I have heard many non-believers say: “Seeing is believing.” However, as a Believer, I have learned that “Believing is seeing.”

Many argue either for or against the validity of the Holy Bible. I believe that if you study the Holy Bible and allow the Kingdom Principles to enter into your heart, you will see evidence of the Holy Bible’s teachings in your life. You need to be pure in heart, or as pure as you can be and have true faith to see God’s Blessings. My lifetime has given me many examples of the power of prayer. A friend told me to record them in a book and share them to inspire others to pray. Here are seven of my favourite examples.

Page 311-318

Equally Yoked Husband and Wife

Marriages take a long time to reach maturity and much longer before they are ready for a spiritual harvest. Marriages require a large commitment and continual effort to reach harvest time.

Several studies suggest that many married couples do not comprehend how to be a couple until ten to fifteen years into the marriage. These same studies suggest that couples do not actually begin to work well as a couple until after twenty years when they have reached the maturity stage for marriage. The couples who are still committed to making an effort to maintain a great marriage will be rewarded, after 35 years, with a harvest of happiness that rivals the happiness they felt in the first year of marriage.

Page 321-329

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Unequally Yoked Husband and Wife

I do not include this section to promote divorce. I believe that every couple can learn to be happy in their marriage if they study and apply the relationship principles found in the Holy Bible.

I include this section because the teachings are in the Holy Bible and are therefore profitable for doctrine. If all scripture is profitable for doctrine, then the teaching should not be ignored. 

The Holy Bible explains that God is not a respecter of persons, and another verse explains that a man can have many persons. Examining the Webster dictionary, we learn that a person also means a title. Therefore, God is not a respecter of titles, and a man can have many titles.

The title of husband or wife cannot be earned by an empty marriage ritual. Simply saying “I do” does not grant you the title of husband or wife if one or both do not have the capacity or the intent to enter into a binding covenant marriage.

Page 329-334

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Husband and Wife and Submission

In Mark 10:42-45, Jesus puts leadership and submission upside-down. A husband who is a true god-fearing man will be a servant to his wife. A wife who is a true god-fearing woman will be a servant to her husband. 

A true god-fearing man or woman will follow Jesus as his or her role model and will be willing to be a servant to other god-fearing men or women. 

A community of god-fearing men or women will see everyone serving each other.

God-fearing men and women serving each other does not mean that god-fearing men or women will serve or subject themselves to Sinners. 

A nation of god-fearing men or women will see everyone serving each other.

A nation of god-fearing men or women will see government officials serving god-fearing citizens.

A nation of god-fearing men or women will see citizen officials serving god-fearing government officials.

God-fearing men and women serving each other does not mean that a nation of god-fearing men or women will serve or subject themselves to a nation of Sinners.

Page 334

The Holy Bible is our user manual for the body that we, as spirits, inhabit on our journey to become Kingdom of Heaven STARs. Reading the user manual is a prerequisite to learning the Kingdom Principles to achieve our Kingdom Assignments.

NOTE: Before you start using Laws from the Holy Bible to convict anyone, Deuteronomy 19:15-20, together with John 8:3-7, clarifies that the accusers and the punishers must both be free of sin, or they will suffer the same punishment as the accused.

Support STARs like to help others. The Holy Bible is filled with strategies to help others.

Technical STARs like to follow rules that are tried and true. The Holy Bible is filled with rules to follow that are tried and true.

Action STARs like to lead the way to get things done. The Holy Bible is filled with role models and strategies to lead and get things done.

Relationship STARs like relationships that promote love, joy, peace and harmony. The Holy Bible is filled with role models and strategies to establish love, joy, peace, and harmony in your life.

Page 335-402

The DESK scenarios explored earlier in this book are small examples of conflict resolution. I kept the examples short and simple. However, if an apology is necessary as atonement for reconciliation, here is the true, sincere, and complete STAR apology.

Appendix Page xxxix

You can never win if you lose your temper in an argument with a gaslighting RATS or Crazy-Maker. You can never win if you lose your temper or release your anger on, at, or in the presence of a gaslighting RATS or Crazy-Maker.

As long as you are not a gaslighting RATS or Crazy-Maker, your anger is not the problem. As long as you are not a gaslighting RATS or Crazy-Maker, your anger is a very important part of your early warning system to protect your spirit from harmful trespass or transgression, such as yelling, criticism, complaining, gaslighting, or other negative emotional attacks.

You can never accomplish a godly result using one of Satan’s tools. When you learn that you cannot win, you will likely internalize the anger, which is the real problem of anger in any conflict. That internalized anger will result in anxiety, guilt, depression, and possibly shame or bitterness, which are spiritual footholds for Satan’s attachment to your spirit. These negative emotions will, in turn, shut down your Spiritual Heart, and you will use only your Spiritual Mind to resolve the conflict. Worse, it might lead to toxic thinking or using your Spiritual Will to become violent to protect your spirit.

In Matthew 5:27-28, Jesus taught that just thinking of sin is as harmful as actually committing the sin. The Spiritual Mind does not differentiate between thinking of doing something versus actually doing it. Toxic thinking (especially toxic self-talk) is as harmful as committing the harmful act.

Persistent and unresolved conflicts with a RATS or Crazy-Maker will lead to you becoming a RATS or Crazy-Maker. RATS and Crazy-Makers produce RATS and Crazy-Makers.

We are emotional people created by an emotional God. The Holy Bible demonstrates that God expressed emotions of wrath, jealousy, as well as love. When we feel unresolved emotional pain, we protect ourselves by putting our feelings and emotions into a prison lockdown where nothing gets in or out. The pain and hurt cannot get out to be removed from your spirit. And God’s Grace and Love cannot get in to heal your spirit.

Inside your prison, you lock down the painful feelings and emotions, and you have special solitary confinement for the worst offenders: Satan’s spirits of rejection, jealousy, terror, wrath, etc. Your Spiritual Mind, which is your thoughts and words, becomes your prison guards.

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Your Spiritual Will is paralyzed because your Spiritual Heart and Mind are at odds, and you cannot move forward. All feelings and emotions, both good and bad, are locked down.

Unfortunately, Satan’s demons, devils, and other evil entities and principalities were attached to your spirit and are now in prison lockdown with your Spiritual Heart and Mind. Because your Spiritual Mind is in charge, you are now living in your head without the feelings and emotions of love, joy, peace and harmony, which are now fellow prisoners in lockdown. Toxic thinking takes over, and you are dividing you from God and your Kingdom Assignment. You are now spiritually dead.

Paraphrasing Matthew 12:25 and Luke 11:17, every spirit divided against itself is brought to desolation. The prison lockdown accomplishes Satan’s goal. Every relationship that is not based on the principles of the Holy Bible cannot survive; it will be divided against itself and brought to desolation.

Your relationship with yourself is like any other relationship. Your relationship between your Spiritual Mind, Heart and Will is also like any other relationship. And like any other relationship, these relationships will be divided against themselves and brought to desolation if they are not based on the principles and teachings of the Holy Bible. Internalized anger will manifest as anxiety and depression, and will likely also manifest as some type of dysfunction or disease in your physical body.

If a venomous snake bites you, you must either get all of the poison out of your body or get anti-venom into your body. If you are in total lockdown, unable to suck the poison out of your own body and have no possibility of administering anti-venom, then your chances for survival may become very dismal. You must bring God into this process of releasing anger; only God is strong enough to help you deal with the RATS or Crazy-Maker.

As emotional people, it is very important to release and express anger, as well as other negative emotions, to externalize it and avoid self-blame or self-harm.

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Though Man cannot create new life, history has proven that Man can cultivate new variations in plants and animals. Satan is not equal to God and, therefore, is not able to create. However, Satan can cultivate new variations of cellular life.

I believe that Satan uses the prison lockdown as a laboratory to cultivate new variations of cellular dysfunctions and diseases in Man’s World and then uses the variations to attack people.

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The book explains the steps for using the Anger Release Prayer, and it is useful for any negative emotion.

Appendix Page xli- xlv

This prayer should only be used with the abovementioned Releasing and Expressing Anger. It would probably escalate into conflict if spoken to the person you are angry with. The following prayer actually came from one of my ‘Releasing and Expressing Anger’ letters.

Appendix Page xlvii

If this is your first time speaking this prayer, please prepare a list of everyone that you can remember who has trespassed against you. Then, prepare a list of all the people you have trespassed against, even if you feel that your words or actions were justifiable.

If your words or actions were in any way negative, then they align with Satan’s doctrine and, therefore, are sins or trespasses. Any sin or trespass that you have committed is conceptually a contract or agreement with Satan. Your sins allow Satan’s devils, demons, and other evil entities and principalities to attach to your spirit.

If you have established an agreement or contract with Satan through sin or trespass, then you must first break the evil agreement or contract before God can answer your prayers. If your heart is already filled with any evil, then you must first empty the evil before you can pour in God’s Love or Blessings.

God does not listen to the proud or the wicked. Start by speaking the following prayer about your sins and trespasses by filling in the blanks with your own name or with ‘my’ or ‘me.’

It is important to remember that, for God, there is no difference between past, present, future, alive, dead, or distance, so God can always heal every circumstance. Unrepented sins of your ancestors, teachers, influencers, and witnesses are express rejections of God and contracts with Satan. And the contracts are still binding in your present. If you repent of the sins of your ancestors, teachers, influencers, and witnesses, God will break the contract with Satan and give you freedom from generational curses.

If you have been praying and behaving righteously, and still you have not received any answers, then I suggest that you pray to break generational curses before you pray for yourself or others. Start by speaking this prayer about your bloodline or generational curse by filling in the blanks with “my ancestors, teachers, influencers, and witnesses.” Then, pray for the other person’s “ancestors, teachers, influencers, and witnesses.” Finally, continue praying for yourself and your adversary.

I have had success with the prayer.

Appendix Page xlix-li

The Impact of Free Will On Personality Styles

God created Humankind in God’s image, and God gave everyone free will. We can use our free will to choose how to respond to our circumstances. How we respond to our circumstances can actively change the matrix of our STAR Personality Styles.

Because everyone has free will and their own unique circumstances, it is very unlikely that two people will react or respond in the same way to the same stimulus. Thus, there are no two people alike in the world, with a population of billions of people.

If we are able to follow Jesus Christ as our role model through the development of our STAR Personality Styles, the matrix of different STAR Personality Styles can vary across time, circumstances, and individuals. Not only can our STAR Personality Style matrix change in terms of personality styles, but we can also change in terms of the people versus task orientation of our personality styles.

The easiest way to demonstrate this fluidity is by exploring the development of my own STAR Personality Styles over my lifetime in response to different stimuli.

I started with a people-oriented primary Support Personality Style and transitioned, in my late teens, to a people-oriented primary Relationship Personality Style. I am currently in my mid-sixties, and I have had a people-oriented primary Relationship STAR Personality Style for most of my life. Until October of 2024, I had a people-oriented personality style.

I did not believe that I could change from a primary people-oriented personality style to a task-oriented personality style. After a recent traumatic experience, I learned that it is possible to change between people and task-oriented personality styles, in addition to changing primary personality styles … if there is enough incentive to change.

Throughout my life, I have found that my primary Relationship STAR Personality Style has worked in almost every situation. I walked away from the situations where my primary Relationship STAR Personality Style did not fit. Avoiding difficult situations means that I avoided every circumstance requiring a primary Action STAR Personality Style.

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I share a considerable amount of details to demonstrate how and why my STAR Personality Style Matrix changed.

Appendix Page liii-lxxxiv